Dear Fisher,

I am Bella and my house mate is named Dante. Dante is an 18 lb gigantic sweet retard. I am a 9lb aggressive Tortie. We have been good friends for five years, but then I had a serious bout of redirected aggression the week before Thanksgiving and our people are very upset. I turned a scary situation around on Dante and now I’m the one afraid of him. He loves me but if I do anything to act out at him again, he will happily finish it.

Our humans have separated us and are slowly reintroducing us to each other. All is going slow, but well, and they think we will be OK together before they leave for Valentine’s weekend, but I can tell they are still scared to death to leave us alone. We do have a cat sitter coming in but our people don’t want us to get hurt if we backslide while they are gone. What should we do?

Bella

Dear Bella,

I have to surmise that your little bout of redirected aggression was an outright catastrophe (no pun intended). Your people are going to great lengths to keep such a display from happening again and they obviously want Dante and you to resolve your issues as soon as possible. I cannot help but wonder if injuries affected egos only or if bloodshed was involved. Either way, you must now help your humans regain their confidence in you.

The one thing to know about redirected aggression is that there is an underlying cause. Sometimes it is the result of just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The “scary situation” caused your adrenalin pump to turn on and you acted out. The concern is not so much what you did, but what caused you to do it. Paying attention to the original underlying source and working to change it, will help solve the problem.
Some suggestions for your people to prepare for Valentine’s weekend:

1. Desensitizing your fear of Dante by leaving the two of you alone in the house for varying periods of time. If the house is intact and there are no injuries, reward with treat or new toy.
2. Give individual attention to each in the presence of the other. Then give pets to both at the same time.
3. If cats are not “getting it”, put both in time out, possibly through mealtime. If cats rush to food bowls in unison without confrontation, problem is close to solved.
4. If confrontation takes precedence over late lunch, contact pet sitter and extend getaway weekend.

I highly recommend your people take a look at Pet Wave. And for you two, remember Valentine’s is a celebration of love and friendship. Go ahead. Give peace a chance.

Your friend,
Fisher

Dear Fisher,

Oh what I’ve been through. I found myself in a new home when my people couldn’t take care of me ‘cuz they were having trouble taking care of themselves. They found me a new home with a loving woman. I thought I would be queen, but I’m in trouble again. Two cats are already here and I’ve had to plot and plan to be charge.

I started life on the street and I know how to fight for myself. The other two cats are not happy with my feisty ways. Now everybody is mad at me. I might have to find another home because I don’t know how to get along. It’s been several months and things aren’t getting any better. I just don’t like other cats. What can I do?

Dear Mary,

I am happy you keep meeting up with loving people, and my first reaction is to keep trying until you get it right. Several months is long enough for all of you to adjust, and if you cats are unable to live in peace, a new home is a good option.

If all attempts to socialize you fail, there is a good chance that you are an alpha cat. An alpha cat exhibits the following:

1. territorial, taking command of toys, bed, food
2. extreme aggression toward others
3. uninterested in becoming part of the community
4. unwilling to accept and kind of training

My friends at Perfect Paws write, “Because the cat is not a pack animal, there is no inherent need or desire for the cat to comply with anyone’s wishes but its own.” They have a lot of good information.

I suspect that you, Mary, are trainable but are more interested in being Only Cat in Charge. We are now back to square one. If you really tried to get along, or if you really do not want to get along, a new home is a good idea. It is best if you are the only cat. Should there be a dog, just remember they are usually bigger and really like it if the cat shows some respect. Overall, though, it is best if you are an only pet.

This is a no blame, no shame situation. It is a positive move for all concerned. Sometimes cats just do not get along no matter what. I have complete faith the loving woman will find a good home for you. May you happily reign forever.

Your friend,
Fisher

Dear Fisher,

Hi, my name is Zelda. It is great to finally write you. My human reads your column and sometimes brings it home to show me.

Anyway, I am having some trouble in my new home here, and I was wondering if you could help me. My human and I met through his X and when they split up, I stayed with him. Even though he gets up REAL early in the morning and wakes me up, and then to school and work, and back home late at night and I have to yell at him for attention – I love it here! And, his parents have 2 Pomeranian dogs who are fun to play with.

I share a room with my human, and have a special pillow on the bed. Everything would seem great to the outside observer, but there is a dark side. My human’s parents already had a cat. Her name is Kitty-Lynn and she is a stick in the mud. She never wants to play and it seems like every time I come outside of my room to roam around, she is always there. We always end up just in the middle of a stand-off, hissing at each other and just staring. There are times when I try to be nice, but it just doesn’t work. I was wondering what can be done so we can finally live in peace. Sure, I have my room and she has hers, and as long as we stay out of each other’s way we are fine. But I would like to be able to share the living room and family room with her. Is there anything that can be done so we can finally get past our petty differences?

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

It sounds very encouraging to me that Kitty-Lynn and you are not getting into anything worse than hissing and staring. The process of getting along can be slower than you would like but it is very possible. Kitty-Lynn is probably a little miffed at your unexpected arrival. If you can try to not take that personally, it will help you both. She had her territory all laid out and was happy as the only cat.

There are some very interesting things you can do to make things better. All household members will need to cooperate and I think you will all get some good fun out of the exercises in the long run. Think of them as “character building” games.

Since you have already developed a pattern of hissing and staring at each other when any boundaries are crossed, it is best to start over at the beginning. That means that you, Zelda, will be confined to your own room for a short period of time. You will keep your litter box and food dishes in there with you, and of course, you have your own pillow on the bed. If it makes you feel better, go ahead and sleep directly on the bed cover and just use the pillow for your head.

The next step is for your human to put your food dishes very near to the door of your room before he goes out for the day. His parents should put Kitty-Lynn’s dishes on the other side of the door. The door stays closed a while longer. But, you will both start to associate each other’s presence with something pleasurable, like eating your dinner. Kitty-Lynn will start to get used to your smells, and you will start to get used to hers.
Stay with me – this is getting fun. Next step is to put a brick on each side of the door so it can remain open a tiny bit, not enough for either of you to break on through to the other side. Lots of opportunity to peak at each other! Good old cat curiosity will take over and you will both probably forget the staring and hissing shortly.

And now the Grande Finale! You, Zelda, can come out of your room and into the main house. Yes, the whole house! Kitty-Lynn will stay in your room with your things for awhile. Oh, I know, there is going to be a whole lot of snooping and sniffing going on while you get accustomed to each other’s smells, but as long as you have hidden away your really personal documents, there should be no problem. As you get to know each other in this very subtle way, you will become ready to face each other with a different attitude. You may not end up snuggling together, but I foresee some playtime together. Or, you might end up just peacefully tolerating each other which is pretty good, and we all know cats are masters of tolerance!

I also want to mention that our Tampa Bay SPCA also has a FREE Behavior Helpline. Call 727-586-3591, then ask for or dial extension 133 and follow the prompts.

Your friend,

Fisher