Dear Fisher,

I have a shameful secret. I am a huffer, slang term for a person (or cat) who inhales chemicals to get high. Every time my owners clean the bathroom, I sit in there for as long as it takes for the smell to dissipate. I don’t try to ingest the chemicals, I just get high off the smell. My owners don’t feel safe using all-natural cleaners to disinfect the bathroom, and the smell would take forever to go away if they closed the bathroom door. My owners are worried about me getting brain damage. Since the Betty Ford Clinic doesn’t take cats, what can we do?

Shadow

Dear Shadow,

You have done a beautiful thing by coming forward with your addiction. It is my guess that you are not the only huffer out there. By addressing the situation, you are also helping others. You must still have quite a few faculties left, though, to write such a letter.

Many humans believe the more odorous and chemically packed a cleaning product is, the more it will kill the germs. However, there is a growing movement toward Green Living, which calls for the use of more natural products to get rid of household germs. Case in point, my friends at
The Green Home and Garden Blog listed 101 Uses for Vinegar. They submit that “White distilled vinegar is a very versatile product that can be used to cook & clean your home.” Your people can help you by trying some of the following:

1.Kill germs all around the bathroom with a spray of full-strength white distilled vinegar. Wipe clean with a damp cloth.
2.To clean the floor, mix a solution of 3 drops dish washing liquid to 1/3 part white distilled vinegar, 1/3 part alcohol, and 1/3 part water. Spray sparingly and mop for a fast clean-up.
3.Remove soap buildup from faucets by scrubbing with a solution of 1 part salt to 4 parts white distilled vinegar.
4.To kill germs, spray full-strength white distilled vinegar on doorknobs and then wipe them dry.
These are just a few suggestions for cleaning, germ-killing and deodorizing. For more technical information, your owners would do well to visit Care2 Green Living and search their information on vinegar. Very convincing stuff there.
I found nothing to indicate vinegar cleaning will kill brain cells. You may, however, find yourself with cravings for dill pickles and sauerkraut. But that is another subject for another time.

Your friend,
Fisher

The dog is not allowed in the house.
Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture
The dog can get on the old furniture only.
Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

From “My Dog is the World’s Best Dog” by Suzy Becker.

From my friends at cutebreak.com

For more fun visit CuteBreak.

Dear Fisher,

My name if Olivia. I do have a concern. I live with my mom and another dog named Andy. Like me, Andy is a wire-haired fox terrier, but I run the household. My problem is that my mom insists on bringing in other dogs which she considers “rescues”. I have nothing against dogs or cats who find themselves in a rescue situation. Andy and I are both rescues. I do not, however, want to spend my later years sharing my home with these dogs. As soon as they arrive, I make it clear to them that they are not welcome. This upsets my mom. She has been very good to me, but I just cannot continue to share my home. I want my mom and Andy in my house and that is all. She is very aware of my feelings. Any suggestions?

Olivia

Dear Olivia,

I am not sure if your problems are due to other dogs stopping in and staying with your family every now and then as much as they are occurring because you are in your later years. We do get a little more opinionated and a tad bit more irritable as we get older. And, let’s face it – we start to think we need a lot more attention.

Your mom is surely a wonderful person to rescue Andy and you. Two little terriers in the house would be enough for most people, and yet, she continues to help others in need. Humans tend to repeat events that bring pleasure to them. You could easily surmise she continues to help others because helping you brought so much joy. That is a very big compliment to you and you would do well to think along those terms.

Here are several ideas that could make life easier for you:

1. Your mom can count on your ability to establish your higher position in the house by not trying too hard to force you to be “polite” to the visiting rescue
2. Introductions should be made slowly and calmly
3. As the dominant, homesteaded dog, your need to eat first is only a matter of propriety and not rudeness and should be allowed
4. You should keep the same privileges you enjoy when there are no visitors
5. A little extra attention should convince you that you are not headed for the revolving door


Even though you are the “boss”, dominance problems may not be the issue. If bad behavior persists, a check up at the vet’s place may reveal an underlying cause
By no means are any of you allowed to fight each other as that can lead to injury of body and pride.

Daniel Estep, Ph.D. and Suzanne Hetts, Ph.D. Certified Applied Animal Behaviorists, provide excellent information and training advice on line at Animal Behavior Associates.

And so, dear Olivia, methinks it is the crankiness of older age setting in along with a lack of confidence in your position. You can do much to ease both conditions by helping your human in her endeavors to aid other dogs not nearly as fortunate as you. OK? End of sermon.

Your friend,
Fisher

Dear Fisher,

I am having a little trouble over all the holidays coming up in the next few weeks. Every time the family starts to talk about guests coming and menus and gifts, they end up looking at me with that “but what do we do about Patches” look. I must confess I made quite a fool out of myself last year when guests were ushered into the dining room for Christmas dinner and there I was, hind foot up in the air, having a bath in the middle of what could have been an elegant dinner table.

I feel bad about making my humans worry about me and my bad behavior this year. It’s kinda like they are all thinking, “what if Patches does that, or this, or oh, no, I can’t even imagine IF!” I guess you can see my concern here. Can you help me figure out a way put my family at ease so they can enjoy their holiday entertaining? Thanks.

Patches

Dear Patches,

My, my, I got the picture. Not only could I see you as the holiday centerpiece, I could almost hear gasping as if I were in the crowd entering the dining room. I have to admit it took me awhile to remove that image and picture a beautifully decorated table with soft glowing candles, a huge arrangement of poinsettia flowers, a big turkey with stuffing and many other lovely dishes filled with yummy smelling food. You did not happen to do a little sampling, did you? Never mind. Don’t answer that.

My image of the table without you in the middle of it brought up several worse scenarios. You were a bad kitty, yes, but it could have been worse. Upon entering the dining room, guests could have witnessed you barfing up leaves and flowers from the poinsettia arrangement. According to toxicologists at the ASPCA, it is a myth that this plant is poisonous to cats, but, says APCC’s Dana B. Farbman, CVT, “In reality, ingestions typically produce only mild to moderate gastrointestinal tract irritation in pets, which may include drooling, vomiting and diarrhea.”

Or worse, there could have been a putrid smell of burning fur had you not paid proper attention to the candles and accidentally set yourself on fire. What if you sampled the turkey dressing which likely contains sage? Sage can do a number on your gastrointestinal system and, in more simple terms, cause a major tummy ache with the outcome of completely over-powering the food and scented candle smells and burnt fur odor. So you see, it could have been a lot worse!

Follow these suggestions to help your people feel assured you will not do a repeat of last year:

• Stay completely out of the dining room. When they are paying attention to you, walk toward the entryway, then proudly turn around and walk away.
• Stay completely out of the kitchen. You want them to feel comfortable that you are not interested in the yummy food smells.
• Practice calm and aloofness at all times until, say, President’s Day.

Your people can find wonderful safety tips for you at ASPCA. I encourage you to check it out as well. And remember, there is a magical law honored by pet people: You can do some pretty stupid things and they will still always love you.

Your friend,
Fisher

published in tbt Tampa Bay
Out There weekend edition

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