Dog faces holiday food rules

Dear Fisher,

Well, it’s here again. The holiday festivities and much excitement around the house, people showing up from nowhere – or so it seems – and tons of food and goodies. Mind you, none of the food and goodies are for me! I call it the Annual Salivation Season. Some years it seems to last forever. Do people not know dogs have a keen sense of smell and some – that would be me – can smell a chocolate chip cookie from several yards away? I don’t want to be a downer, Fisher, but I’m looking at more than a month of feeling like I’m starving. All those yummy smells and the food never makes it to my bowl. How should I handle this? I think I can open the refrigerator door if I try real hard, but….

Marko

Dear Marko,

Oh, my dog! Do not under any circumstances open the refrigerator door. What do you suppose would happen if that one chocolate chip cookie you so crave was in the very back of the fridge? You crawl in with the best of plans, and wham. Door closes and you are stuck. Humans usually do not look in a refrigerator for many hours after looking everywhere else for a lost pet. Most will, eventually, after sheer desperation sets in, but by that time, well, just think about it.

It is most important that you understand you are not given many human food choices because they can raise havoc with your digestive system, make you very sick, and in some cases, kill you. Now that is a strong reason to let your humans control your intake. Here are a few substance you must avoid:

1. Absolutely no alcoholic beverages. Drunkenness is not a funny animal trick. The hops (included with beer) are very dangerous and could cause seizures.
2. Onions can cause anemia and even if they do not make you sick, you will likely find yourself very alone on the couch.
3. Chicken bones, as we all know, are dangerous because they splinter and can cause lacerations to your internal organs. No fish bones, either!
4. Stay away from cat food. Your digestive system is very different from the cat’s, and it probably will not kill you, but you might get quite sick. Or scratched abundantly.
5. And the chocolate – good news here – you do not need it! There is a substitute for chocolate called Carob and it smells and tastes like chocolate with no harm to you.

Your humans can find all sorts of very neat, healthy and tasty treats on the internet. Try to urge them to bake special treats for you while baking their own holiday cookies. A great site for this (and never mind the title) is The Poop Pantry. Look for some very easy and yummy recipes there. Cooking is often a family affair, and I vote for the family dog participating in the venture.

Your friend,
Fisher