Dear Fisher,

My name is Monte and I have to tell you, I am just not all that happy to see boxes of holiday stuff coming down from the attic. I am 16 years old now and have gone through many holidays in my beautiful home. People just show up! It’s all abuzz, as they say. It’s good that everyone is loving and happy, but I am just not in the mood this year.

And then there’s all the cooking that goes on here. It’s amazing. My housemate woman is a fantastic cook. I know that because that is a huge part of the conversation around the dinner table – not that I ever get to taste any of it. But, it used to smell so good to me. Now, I just don’t like it so much. Am I just being a…what would you call it? A Hum Bug? What’s the matter with me anyway?

Monte

Dear Monte,

No, I do not sense anything of a humbug in you. At age 16, you are somewhere around the age equivalency of an 80 year old human. I am not that far behind, and my honest opinion is that you can think whatever you want. You have earned it! My readers know by now that one of my favorite concepts is R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You have earned that, too.

Cats – and dogs, and other animals for that matter – are much like humans in their aging process. It is natural, even though the tendency to fight it is enormous for some. There is nothing wrong with being aged. Sure, the eyes may get a little cloudy and out of whack and you cannot quite make the jump from the floor to the lavished dining room table. Grey hairs show up, you now have a little paunch, your limbs get a little creaky, and so does your attitude.

How you handle your holidays this year is much dependant on the guest list. If you are expecting small children, giddy young couples, some of whom will bring that darn dog with them, and numbers of people you have met before but are not all that familiar with, plan a day of lounging away from the maddening crowd. If you are expecting a group of 4 or more assorted people, try to get your human to provide a nice bowl of food, a special treat, and water. Your litter box would probably be a good idea, too. She can place it lovingly in the Master Bedroom where you can lounge all day on the big comfy bed. Guests can use the bed in the guest room to their purses, coats, gifts, cleaned soufflé dishes, etc. You can just be queen for the day, and I guarantee, you will get through the ordeal very well.

I found this in an enlightening article by Phil Maggitti, Caring for the Older Cat, “That celebrated cat lover Cleveland Amory once defined a conservative as someone who does not like anything to happen that has not happened before. The older cats become, the more conservative they get.” Maggitti writes of the many changes in cats as they age. Diminished sight, weight gain, finicky eating habits due to lessened sense of smell are all very normal. Along with those changes may come crabbiness, lack of interest in playing with your toys, and accentuated reaction to holidays which lead to stress. Ask any 80 year old person, and they will concur.

All living beings, of course, must try to exercise, eat healthy, enjoy good dental care, and relax. If any symptoms go to beyond moderate level, you should consult your veterinarian or acupuncturist. But as for your humbuginess, enjoy it and enjoy a quiet day of solitude while the throngs of folks downstairs - even the ones that brought the dog – are enjoying their holiday merriment. Honor yourself and you will be honored. Enjoy!

Your friend,

Fisher

published in tbt* Tampa Bay

Dear Fisher,

Hi. My name is Zilla, and I am guessing I am a descendant of Godzilla. That’s what I think anyway. That must be how I got my name. I sleep in a cool coconut shell my folks bought at the pet store. My problem is that my people just freak me out sometimes. I know it’s because they love me and think I am really cute, but their schedules and mine are totally out of synch. From early morning to late afternoon, I am in my serious sleep mode and then I can become suddenly airborne. What the heck is that about? I let them alone when they are sleeping! And then I shed. It’s normal, but they think I must be sick. I don’t even want to discuss the possibility of pet insurance over this, but I do want them to know how I feel without offending them. Thank you for listening.

Zilla

Dear Zilla,

I cannot think of any critter who would react favorably to going from sound sleep to airborne in a matter of nanoseconds. It would freak out most of us. In your case the explanation is simple. It is a predatory action for an enemy to approach a Leopard Gecko from above. It is important for your people to try to approach you from the front and at the same level in order for you not to perceive them as a predator. The fact that you are happily sleeping just makes the situation more difficult.

It will be good if your humans learn to place their hand in your enclosure and just let you walk into it on your own. They can also speak softly to you and offer a treat with their other hand. This might be an ideal situation, but it can be done. It is, of course, important for them to realize that if the soft voice and the treat incentive are ignored, you are sleeping and they might want to try again when your natural rhythm dictates you to be awake and alert, which is usually during the early stages of the night. However, now that you are in captivity (and I mean that in a most positive vein), you may loose some of your normal nocturnal instincts. Sometimes the over eager willingness for them to care for you results in a slight bit of irritation on your part. Give it time and patience.
The fact that they bought you a special coconut shell to sleep in indicates you can count on living well in their home. For instance, your tendencies to portray some sort of prehistoric creature, although much smaller, are very endearing. As you lumber along, ever so slowly, with each leg taking a slow turn to propel you along your path, they see you as some sort of pre-historic mini-dinosaur, and are truly in awe of your uniqueness. Just imagine how proud they are to have you as a pet. You are conjuring up things from their own long lost ancestry that they may not even be aware of.

And then you go into your shedding mode. What is a person to do when their beloved pet is turning white all over. During this time you probably quit eating. Humans do not always understand the process is natural and it can be disturbing to them. As you all get to know and understand each other, this will go away. You may have to put up with some “oh no, what is wrong with Zilla?”, but in the long run, they will learn that is what you do. Just as you will learn that they think you are so cute when you are sleeping, they have to pick you up and hence, there you are, airborne again.

There is some very good information and tips for your people at Leopard Gecko. If you can, print it out and post it on the refrigerator door and then act very innocent. I won’t tell.

Your friend,

Fisher

published in tbt* Tampa Bay

Dear Fisher –

I am really a pretty happy camper living with my people. We are a family of firsts - first marriage, first house, and first puppy. Life is good here and we get along great. There is just one thing that puzzles me. I can do something one time and they smile and think I am very cute, and then if I do it again, they scold me for it. We are all three learning new rules, but sometimes I just get confused. Sometimes I think I confuse them, too. I am wondering if there are some easy steps to follow since we are all new at this. Do you have some good advice?

Scotty

Dear Scotty,

I think if you ask any human what the cutest thing in the world is, they would say a puppy (or a kitten!). It gets a little hard to be firm with such young and adorable exuberance, but a good dose of proper etiquette will help you all in your future. You are right to mention that the rules are for everyone in your household. Consistency is the key to helping you learn your boundaries and it is important for your people as well. Everyone knows you are not trying to be naughty - you are just being a puppy! But that cannot be an excuse. You all have the delightful opportunity to learn together. What a solid relationship that will lead to!

Chewing is a result of your teething. You will not be teething in a few years, so at that point, chewing on everything in sight is just plain naughty. Time to learn now, and the best way is for you to have your own toys. Your toys are to be treated in any way you would like, unless you decide to flush a big stuffed animal down the toilet. The rule here is to monitor your behavior so you can be independent when dealing with your personal belongings, but realize that if it affects others in the household, you have to think about consequences. Old socks and shoes should not be part of your toy box. That will cause confusion when you decide one day to add to your collection by collecting new socks and shoes to chew up.

Dogs love to dig. Puppies start out by clawing. Anytime you are inside the house, you should know that clawing is a bad thing. You probably have carpet in your new house and if you should happen to spot some loose fibers, and if you should happen to claw it, and then get excited and claw more, you will surely get yourself into trouble. An old friend of mine did that with a Berber carpet and the results were horrendous. His people came home to find something akin to an unraveled ball of yarn. So unless anyone in your household would like to knit up a new carpet, leave it alone!

Your people will do well to use your name, Scotty, for positive reinforcement only. “Good boy, Scotty!” When they want to impose a rule, they should use a short firm command like “Stop!”, or “No!” Your name is special and endearing and should always stir up good feelings.

Most of your behavior can be measured on a scale, and you must try to tip it for good. On the good side is your active, energetic nature and on the bad side is hyperactivity. The good side, mouthing and chewing on your own toys, as opposed to the bad side of biting, snapping, or attempting to bite people. You get the picture. A very good site with lots of information on puppy behavior is the Dumb Friends League. Starting out on the right track of good behavior at your young age will lead to much happiness.

Your friend,

Fisher

published in tbt* Tampa Bay